Truly Random crap

Yours…Yours….Truly Yours….Best Wishes!

Are you ready to crawl face down in the mud like a pig?

It is not a habit. I am not an addict.

So this is it. This is how a life really begins. It is about being home all day and that being pure joy. I can remember a time when I could not just stay home because it felt so empty there. I hate the idea of leaving our little Kingdom now. My future is in the kitchen making a cake for Todd and the kid is in the chair manning the IPOD and playing gameboy. I am of course the lazy one typing.

Today I have been mostly sleeping. I am not sure why exactly but I just kept getting tired.
I did organize the book shelf area though. I think it looks better. I love my choices of books between the cd’s.

To the left: God’s Politics, Stephen King & Stiff
To the right: Mellisa Etheridge, Bible, The ethical Slut.

The ethical Slut seems like a MUST read. I have no idea what it is about but I thought it was a great combo. Perhaps I am just weird but display books can make a statement. For years I had a stack of books that were as followed: Rush, Bible, Rosie!

I did that because they represent the things that are important to me. The Bible was the center book for, hopefully, an obvious reason. Rush represents my views that are quite opposite the views of Rosie. I like Rosie though. She has done some things that are considered evil by some, including me, yet she has also done some great things. Most people who know me know I love both of these people. Of course, I love what they represent because I do not truly know them.

Rush is not all good. He has his own set of issues. Most people know he is a drug addict. That news was quite shocking though. I will never forget the day he announced it on his show. I was working in Iowa at the time. The radio reception in that particular building was horrible. We had to rig up an interesting little antenna situation but it worked. At 1:00pm
We all hovered around the radio to listen to what we new was going to be as important to us as the OJ verdict. He made his announcement and then he left. It broke my heart but I believed in him just the same.

There are people who say the only reason he came clean is because he was exposed. I would not disagree with that. Most of the time people do not admit an addiction until they are forced. It seems to me that there has to be some sort of traumatic event that occurs before they face they have a problem. Considering I had followed this man for years I would not just immediately hate him or swear to never listen to him again.

Walter Williams was a big presence on his show during that time frame. I really enjoy that man a lot. He is an interesting black man. Now I would not normally point out the color of person’s skin but in this case it is somehow relevant in my mind. He is anti-affirmative action. He hates deer in his yard (this is not a black thing). As a matter of fact the only reason I point out that he is black is because of affirmative action.

I planned my schedule around the Rosie show. I was so excited when it came on. I first fell for her when I saw her and Madonna on Letterman-Leno. I do not remember which dude it was but hey they run together. It is like saying 48/20/60. Does it really matter which show? Ok well it probably matters to the networks and the hosts but other than that, us normal folks could care less. Actually, maybe that is just me that feels that way. I just asked my future and she prefers to read Leno and watch Letterman, and who is the freak here?

Perhaps if I were awake often enough for those damn shows, oh and had television it is possible I would have a favorite. However, I doubt I would care regardless. So anyways, Rosie and Madonna were on some random late night show together and they were all over one another and being silly. They were promoting A League of their Own. That was an awesome movie. Anyways, I had noticed Rosie before that but there was just something about her that night that won me over.

She is horribly raunchy on stage. She is over the top. Her book is the best book I have ever read. It really took me by surprise. I bought it in Iowa and read it all in one day. I read quite slow but it was that good. I was reading her blog when I had the internet.

Ok so the kid is going to take the shower. My future has blown her fuse. I sent the kid to go check out what a fuse is and she smashed Andi behind the door. It is shower time for us all and I am just write write write about nothing in particular. Tonight we are going to a birthday party for Todd. Rob will be there. Andi is randomly looking thru the house for a place to beat the eggs. This is really cracking me up. Ok she is now headed towards the bedroom with a bowl and an egg beater.

We have a bird. He bites me. He is not my friend. I try to be his friend but he just bites me. He pooped on Andi today. I did hold him for a while. I think he is just a bit moody. He is actually a she but shhhhhh It is a secret. The kid does not know. I am not sure why exactly but sometimes it is just better to ‘go with it!’

I could not imagine being anywhere other than where I am at this exact moment. There was a time when I said ‘one day I will be happy’ but I am not sure I even understood the definition. It is hard to understand this type of happiness and joy until you experience it.
I have seen it in other people. I wanted to be like Matt and Brenda and Sue and Todd but to achieve it is amazing and such a blessing.

Somehow things are just different. I never knew I could be this happy. I never knew that I could feel this sort of bliss. It is not all grins all of the time though. Last night Andi and I had an incident. I even left. I can not do that again though. I know that. I know it is not the way to behave. I did not go far. I drove around the parking lot and then did the walk of shame back up the stairs. The beauty of it is that we talked and talked. It appears as though we resolved some things. We seem to be able to talk about anything. I felt so bad when she came in the bedroom though. Oh my gosh, when I walked in the front door, our only option in, she looked so bizarre. She looked rather sad and confused. Perhaps she was just mostly confused. She did not know why I was upset. I thought it was obvious but of course, I was the one with an issue. So then I walked in and directly went into the closet to change. I did not change me but just my clothes. After that I got stuff together to crawl in bed and listen to music and read.

The amazing thing about it is that I could not leave. There was never a moment when I thought things would not be ok. I fell into the old habitual thought process of leave leave leave for a few moments but it was fleeting. There is no way I can ever be too far away from this woman. She is my home base. She is my grounding point. She is my center. She is my focus. I do not know what it is exactly about her that draws me, perhaps it is just everything she is. I could make a list of her awesome features and perhaps I should but I worry that words could never express the essence of her. I believe her and I will always end up back in one another’s arms. She is without a doubt the most amazing person I have ever known. I am so in love.

Mel does not really smoke. She put the line about smoking in her song Occasionally because she thought it sounded good. I brought over her book because I thought my future my like to read it. I guess I am just addicted to the pain of delight. She has had a lot of pain in her life. I would suggest portions of it were self inflicted bootcamp experiences. I would suggest us humans must all go through boot camp. I would love to set up the kids life so that she did not have to but I think the only way she can truly grow is by experiencing things. I did not give birth to this kid but I know I am going to be around for some major years of her life. The teenage years can make or break a person. It is tough being a teenager. I suppose life in general is tough. I would love to protect her and I hope to for some amount of it but at the same time she has to be allowed to experience things. Gosh this parenting thing is tough in concept and even more so in reality.

I just got back from the party. My head hurts. I am truly tired of feeling bad. Perhaps I am really falling apart. I am a mess. I am so happy yet so ill. How is that and why? Actually, I am not terribly ill. I am just ill enough to have moments of misery and not really live life to its fullest.

Tonight was fun. I always enjoy being around Sue and Todd. Cody is getting so big. Austin was not there. I keep missing time with him.

I wonder if those peanut and butter oreos are actually good? I like pb&j sandwiches. I think they are hard to make though. The majority of my life I would mix the two items in a bowl and then put it on the sandwich. I hate the peanut butter with nuts. I will only eat crunchy. I do not like peanuts. It is interesting that I will eat peanut butter considering that. I guess the smooth does not taste much like peanuts really. I will eat peanuts at the ball park though. I just suck the red skin off and then spit out the nut. I can not stand peanut butter cookies but I do not like nutter butter cookies. Nutter butter cookies are one my favorite types actually. I prefer them over oreos or chocolate chip. Those peanut butter girl scout cookies rock too.

Is it rude that I spit at the ball park? I guess spitting is rude in general. I should consider that next time I am there. Hmmm The main reason for going to a base ball game is the garlic fries. Andi refuses to go to a game and that is sad. She is missing out on something wonderful.


I really enjoyed my time in Iowa. There things that were a bit of a bummer about it but for the most part it rocked. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I ate when I wanted and where I wanted. I shopped alone. I went to the movies. There were days when I would see two movies. It was great. I would read while I was eating and I got in a lot of books during that time. I had never spent quite that much time alone before and I was not sure how it would be. I think it was good for me. When Rob started working this job I got to spend a lot of time alone again. I really enjoyed it. It is interesting how much I enjoyed that considering how much I love my life now. I guess I am versatile.

When I was a kid we would walk up to Hometown and get a soda. I loved those sodas in the glass bottles. I would love to have one of those machines in my house some day. I remember back then you could return the soda bottles for cash. Heck now that I think about it I can remember the big cokes in the glass bottles. I do not remember the switch to plastic being all that shocking though.

There are times that I miss the small town life. I remember when we went to the grocery store everyone knew us. It is just not the same here. I rarely see the same person again in a store here. It is weird to think about in a way. It is like waving. Here we do not wave to one another because it is impossible. Back home we waved at everyone.

I want to wittle. I was thinking about it yesterday. The men who did that were really creative. Imagine sitting down with a pocket knife and random piece of wood and coming out with a hippo. A person has to have mental vision and then the skill to create it. Is it a lost art? I saw a person who had a chain made out of wood that his father had wittled. That is really amazing. I can only imagine the amount of time and patience that was involved in that.


PLEASE NOTE THAT WHEN I WROTE ABOUT THE NUTS I WAS VERY TIRED AND OBVIOUSLY NOT VERY COHERENT!~!!~~!!